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There was an old blind couple that had been married for years. There relationship was great, but at night in bed, they had a hard time communicating sign language because it was dark in the room. So the old blind woman told her husband, "if you wanna have sex tonight, squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't wanna have sex, squeeze my left breast one time." He said ok darling. The old blind man said, "if you wanna have sex, pull on my penis one time. If you don't wanna have sex pull my penis fifty times." haha
A horse walks into the bar.
The bartender says " why the long face?"
A man was trapped on a deserted island for 20 years. When he was found there was 3 buildings he built on the island. They ask him what each building was for, he said....
"It is my home, that's where I sleep and go for shelter"
"I'm a Baptist so the 2nd building is my church"
"like I said I'm Baptist.... That's the church I use to go too"
None of us need to quit our day jobs................................
Art Schlichter's cellmates and Mo Clarett's rugby team believe Ohio State always does things honestly.....
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly,
"Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
a very constipated man went to the doctor who prescribed him a box of suppositories and sent him home. when the man got home, he didn't know what to do with them so he ate two of them. of course, they did no good and he ended up eating the whole box with no relief. he goes back to the doctor and tells him he's still constipated. so the doc prescribes the most effective suppositories and sent the man home with the assurance that these would do the trick. the man goes home, eats one, then another. . . 'til he eats the whole box, again with no relief. he goes back to the doctor, who is stunned that the last prescription was ineffective. "what, are you eating them?" asked the doctor. the man replied with a good deal of indignation "no, I'm stickin' them up my ass!".
Little boy blue
I don't like where that one is going
A piece of string walks into a bar and tells the bartender "I'll take a Jack and coke." Bartender looks at him and says "Get outta here you string, we don't serve your kind here!" So the string walks outside and starts ripping himself apart, tying himself in knots, and just making a general mess of himself. The string walks back into the bar and the bartender says "Hey weren't you that string that was in here earlier!?" The string looks at him and says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot (afraid not)!" BOOM
This post was edited by SpriteMc 15 months ago
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